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8. When
Sexual Toys Return to Haunt Couples In Dreams.
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Call Jesus, He is Lord!
June 25, 2000
Dear Doctor Kasheke,
I am writing for some advice. I have been married to my husband for 21 years. After the birth of our second child my husband became bitter and cold hearted towards me. There was nothing that I could offer as a wife to please him. Consequently, I have suffered two nervous breakdowns and ended up in the hospital both times for several months. Since I was not able to adequately take care of our children because of this illness, we almost lost them to Children's Aid. Had it not been for our pastor and the fellowship who vouched for us, we would have had them taken away from us. In spite of this predicament my husband kept drifting away from me. Being a very private person, I never wanted anyone to know that my marriage was in such a mess. I felt I needed to protect my husband's position in the church and the respect he had gained as a successful businessman. The only time the church knew of our problem was when they had stepped in to help us with Children's Aid.
Having said that, we received a flyer in the mail about your marriage books in October 1999. I prayed zealously for God to speak to my husband about purchasing these books after having a dream that I was reading them. It was impossible to ask my husband to purchase them for me, so I just kept praying. One week later, my husband told me he had had a dream about reading your books. I was afraid to share my dream with him or ask what his was about; so I just listened carefully to him speak. Boy was I surprised when he asked me to order them! You must know this was a miracle. My husband has never read a single marriage book in his entire life! I called to place my order and you talked to me about our situation and then prayed for us.
Two weeks later the books arrived. I could hardly wait to open the big envelope and begin reading but my husband had forbidden me to never call his office or open and read his mail. I decide I would call him anyway. When I spoke to him on the phone I was taken back to know that he had ordered a set of books for himself and that they had arrived at his office two days earlier. He had already begun to read and was at page twenty of Book One. Without a further comment, he said, "Those are yours. I think you should read these books slowly as you need to absorb their content." I proceeded to open the envelope and then started to skim through the book chapter after chapter for a few hours. The phone rang. It was my husband. It was so strange to hear his voice on the other end because he had not called me from his office for more than ten years. I was stunned - scared, thinking that he was going to chew me out as was his ususal habit. Taking a deep breath, I listened attentively as he asked me, "Dear, which page are you reading now?" The word ‘dear' startled me. I thought, "Is this my husband?" Taking composure, I replied, "Let me get my book." I grabbed the book and said, "I'm reading Book Two. I'm on page 35." Gently and quietly he suggested I begin with Book One, page one in order that I would not confuse the message and thus miss the initial blessings.
After my husband hung up, I put the books down and thought to myself, "What happened to my husband? Is this why he has been so soft spoken recently?" What made him call me ‘dear again?" Immediately tears flooded my eyes as I recalled his gentleness to me when we were first married. I prayed with joy and asked the Lord to keep him this way forever. I enthusiastically picked up the book and begin reading from the first page of Book One. The Lord showed me how a husband and wife are one before God. The thing that spoke to me the most was how God had showed Doctor Kasheke's wife the cover of the book to confirm what He had already spoken to him about. Pastor, to make a long story short, my husband and I have been transformed. God has spoken to us in a powerful way. We have repented before Him in how we have treated one other. From the day we asked the Lord to fill us with the Agape Marital Anointing up to today, our moments of lovemaking have been overflowing with open and sincere expression of emotional sharing so much so that we sometimes forgot that other things needed to be done. We have had to readjust everything: our children's bedtime, the time my husband gets home after work, and time to pray together; a thing we have never done together before. When my husband arrived at home after work he would always take refuge in reading the newspaper or flipping TV channels. Now, I'm the first person he wants to see. I guess we are making up for all the endearments we have lost. We have missed each other so much.
Let me share with you how Jesus has set us free. Since all our children are now of school age and are not at home during the day, my husband comes home at lunchtime to fill himself up with my love. Other days he takes me with him to work in his office because he wants me to be close to him. If there are not many orders coming in, we use the opportunity to make love. My husband has even brought in extra furniture to accommodate our emergencies of lovemaking. I have to tell you that as a woman it feels good to be young lovers again! What can I give God for remembering us? Pastor, before God changed us, I hated to look at myself in the mirror. Now you would not believe it but I do all that I can to look the best for my husband. What amazes me is how my husband compliments me with his soft kisses. Since the day God touched us through your books, our marriage is happy, full of God's blessing. We anticipate our coming together and partaking in the gift of love that Jehovah Jireh has kindled in us for one another with great joy. Even our children and friends at church are being blessed to see this great change. I am always overwhelmed when my husband holds me gently in his hands and looks into my eyes and tells me, "You are my lily, my rose, my dahlia." I cannot adequately put into words what God has done for us.
The Lord has impressed it upon our hears to pray for the church, especially couples who are going through hard times. May the Lord continue to use you and your wife in this land to help others. Pastor, we thank God and you for your openness in sharing freely, deeply and genuinely about sex. This is a topic we have never heard discussed in the church. The revelation and wisdom you received from God to use in these books is amazing. I never knew why I was created as a woman until I read your books.
And now the reason why I'm writing for advice. Your book encourages couples to confess openly to one another the sins that have kept them captive and bound. We did just that and received a wonderful healing. The problem is my husband confessed many things which are really bothering me. My husband told me he was involved with other women some of whom he had brought into his office or took to hotels. They would rent pornographic movies and watch them before and after their obscene sexual activities. He also confessed to having an inflatable woman doll which he used for his sexual exploits in his office. He showed it to me and I destroyed it with all its attachable sexual female parts made of rubber with their vibrating devices. I could hardly believe that my husband, the man I was sleeping with and who went with me to church every Sunday was doing these things behind my back. When I first saw this simulated woman stored in the corner of his office closet and its vaginal accessories stored in his office drawer, I was shocked. The pain in my heart was too much. I cried and cried uncontrollably. The day we went to clean out his office truthfully, I did not expect to find such evil things. I had not realized the deep immoral mind Satan had placed in my husband's heart. Shame, guilt and fear overwhelmed me when I found out that his secretary, a young married mother of two whom I had trusted and respected, was sleeping with my husband and went even to the extent of buying this sex doll for him as a birthday present. Pastor, can you imagine? I was dumbfounded! Standing in his office, I fumed with anger. Then the Lord gently spoke to me about my own sins, how I had been unfaithful to my husband - masturbating in my own home when he was at work. He also reminded me of the times I refused him sex in retaliation or in retribution of things I felt he did not do right. After this rebuke I felt I had to forgive everything my husband had done. I must confess - I still have problems with what I saw.
Pastor, although we are now free and our marriage is blessed, I feel some sort of anger deep within my soul when I think about how my husband left me to have sex with a doll. I can't shake the thought that he was married to it out of my mind. Pastor, what did I do wrong to compel my husband to leave me, his wife, and indulge in such a sexual sin with a doll? I fail to understand why he would be so attracted to it and why he would choose to make me suffer all these years. Can you help me to know what I should do with these feelings? Often I have flashbacks about him going back into the world doing the same things that the Lord has delivered him from. I have had three reoccurring dreams in which a demon looking exactly like the same doll I cut in pieces and burnt, came to attack and tear me to pieces exactly as I destroyed the doll. Every time I wake up, I find myself trembling in great fear. Twice I jumped right out of my bed and my husband had to grab me to calm me down. Afraid of bringing back old memories to him, I have never told my husband what I saw in my dreams attacking me. Do you think I should share this with Him? If so, what do you think will be his reaction? The worst of this whole situation is that my church does not believe demons exist. Sometimes I have heard believers even doubt Satan's existence.
Pastor, please help me. I trust your advice because I know the Lord has directed me to share with you what is going on in our lives. I am sorry for taking up your time, but please help me to know what I should do. I don't want to bring misery back into our lives considering the wonderful work that Lord has just done in our marriage by mending our shattered lives together as one.
Thank you so much for you ministry.
May God bless you!
Yours Sincerely,
N. P.
Lansing, M.I
DR.
KASHEKE'S RESPONSE
Dear N. P.,
May the name of the Lord be exalted.
Your testimony was a great blessing to me. It brought joy to my soul and great jubilation to my spirit. We truly do serve a living God who is working on this earth to see his children set free. Sister, what else can a pastor say about a testimony such as yours than to thank the Lord? After hearing your testimony the Lord reminded me of the scripture in Daniel 4:17, "This matter is by the decree of the watchers, and the demand by the word of the holy ones: to the intent that the living may know that the most High ruleth in the kingdom of men, and giveth it to whomsoever he will, and setteth up over it the basest of men." God has set you free with the intent that the living may know that the most High rules in the kingdom of men. This a testimony which proves to everyone that Satan lost His power at Calvary and that Christ was sent to set the captives free. What a glorious rescue to you, your husband and your children. I humbly thank the Lord for setting you free. May His name be glorified.
Concerning you questions:
1. Let me address the anger and the feelings you have towards the doll. First you need to know that hating evil is not wrong. This is what the Bible asks us to do. "Ye that love the LORD, hate evil: he preserveth the souls of his saints; he delivereth them out of the hand of the wicked." Ps. 97:10 When we love God we must abhor sin and must contemplate destroying things that have caused our loved ones to suffer spiritual degradation. This is the only way Satan can get a clear message that we hate him with all his devilish schemes and that we love God and His righteousness. "The fear of the LORD is to hate evil: pride, and arrogancy, and the evil way, and the froward mouth, do I hate." Prov. 8:13.
Through these scriptures we can see how we are commanded to hate evil. However, you need to know that your anger should not be one that is kindled because of fear or unforgiveness. I feel as if your anger is mostly brought by fear and unforgiveness.
Let me first address fear. Because you are obsessed with the thought of losing your husband again, you are assuming he will return to his old ways by having sex with another doll. You are spending nights wondering about what you saw in the office. I suspect you are thinking about its attachments and you are imagining that the vibrating stimulus those gadgets gave to him was much better than the stimulus you give when making love to your husband. Sister, have you forgotten that the God who made you, created you beautiful in order that you may bless your beloved with every part of you, physically, emotionally and spiritually? Let me ask you this question, "Did this doll speak to you when you saw it?" Did it say to you, "Lady this is my husband, you can't take him away from me." I hope not! Sister, why worry about a dummy that can't speak, say I love you, embrace, kiss, or share feelings. By the way, it doesn't smile either. You should be careful you don't develop jealousy against this doll. If so, you may have made it a image that you are worshipping or fearing when you spend sleepless nights as you shared with me. Be careful! Know that Satan has been defeated in your marriage with your own hands when you destroyed, tore and burnt the doll (image). It did not oppose or fight with you. It has no hands and it does not think. You had victory over it - Christ conquered Satan and all his images by His precious blood. I pray that God may show you that your jealously is directed against a image that cannot feel anything, speak or move. Do not fear an enemy who is a defeated enemy. The Word admonishes us, "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." 2 Tim. 1:7
2. Let me also address the resentments you have kept in your heart against your husband's secretary. I believe you have been thinking about this lady so much so that your mind has been consumed by "what if?" thoughts about her. You have exhausted yourself. You need to pray more for her than to worry that she will take your husband. Consider this, "Did you do anything to convict your husband to come back to the Lord when his life was in a mess?" You said the Lord spoke to him in that same office where he was doing these sins. Stop wasting time and energy thinking of what she might do to your marriage. Don't let the devil damage what God has already done in your husband by becoming bitter about a woman who is no longer part of your husband's life. She has her own husband who must be suffering emotionally as you were suffering until the Lord came to set you free. Salvation is of the Lord! Please forgive her and promise the Lord that your call will be to pray for her until the Lord sets her free from stealing married men. If you think she is lascivious, then you have a great mission to finish for Christ - her salvation.
Believers must walk differently from unbelievers. The Christian walk has to match the talk. If you forgave your husband, you must forgive all the people he had indulged in sin with. This includes this woman. Believers should not walk like Gentiles because unbelievers walk in the vanity of their mind. They are empty, ready to be filled with worldly gods, ideas, religion, revenge, retaliation, jealousy and so on. They walk with their understanding darkened because their understanding is blocked and unable to see God nor understand Him. (2 Timothy 3:7) They walk alienated (separated, cutoff, estranged, detached) from God because of their willful ignorance and hardness of heart. This is why people are marrying sexual toys today. Unbelievers are calloused, insensitive and hardened - the more they walk without God the more calloused they become to God and the more they walk in sin the more acceptable sin becomes. (Acts 28:27) They have given themselves to lasciviousness and every form of sexual living. Unbelievers indulge in all uncleanness with greediness. (1Thessalonians 4:7) Their corrupted behavior of greediness, coveting and craving more and more of this world causes them to be enslaved and held in bondage. The believer's mind is to the renewed, that is, to be made new, readjusted, changed, turned around and regenerated because the mind has been affected by sin. It needs to be renewed by the washing of the blood of the Lamb.
The believer must walk after Christ. The true walk of the Christian involves three things:
a. The believer must
put off the old man.(Eph.
4:22)
b. The believer must be renewed in the spirit
of his mind. (Eph.
4:23)
c. The believer must put
on the new man. (Eph. 4:24)
Therefore, the believer is told to not walk worthy of the world standards, fulfilling the works of the flesh such as lawlessness, pride, stubbornness, resentment, unsubmissiveness, impatience, imcompassionate and bitterness. He must demonstrate godly attributes, putting off the old man and putting on the new man because when a person receives Jesus Christ, the old things that were done have passed away and behold everything has become new. Therefore a believer must demonstrate his newness having the mind of Christ which focuses upon God and centers upon spiritual matters. He must live a transformed life endowed with forgiveness.
Deep within your heart you must realize that the husband of this lady is suffering emotionally because the woman he loves is not meeting his needs. Rather she is spending it with sexual toys and or other men which she has trapped and conquered with greediness. Thirsty and languished in her ambitiousness, she lures the husbands of other women. What does Proverbs say about this kind of an adulterous woman? "Such is the way of an adulterous woman; she eateth, and wipeth her mouth, and saith, I have done no wickedness." Prov. 30:20
Sister, if you read this scripture from the Good News Bible you will better understand its meaning. This is what it says, "This is how an unfaithful wife acts: she commits adultery, has a bath and says, ‘But I haven't done anything wrong!" Prov. 30:20 (TEV) This woman is a lost soul. You and your husband should earnestly fast and pray for her and her family. Can't you see that something is wrong for a woman to buy a sexual toy for another woman's husband after she has destroyed him? She needs your family to earnestly pray that our Saviour Jesus Christ who saves God's prodigals, may cause her to repent of her sins.
And don't forget that God has not given you the sprit of fear, but of love and of a sound mind. Your husband is now living in Christ - he is free. The woman he fooled around with is bound by strongholds. Pray that God may save and free her and heal her marriage as He did for you and your husband. As for now, I would ask you to prayerfully focus on your marriage rather than what this woman did with your husband. These things are in the past - your husband's sins have been blotted away just as yours were. I thank the Lord your husband dismissed her after the Lord spoke to him concerning his sins. Dear sister, please pardon her ignorance and unselfish mind. Satan tricks both men and women alike to think that if they have sex with someone other than their spouse, they will feel good because they have gained another prize or trophy. As you know, this is one of Satan's biggest lies. What these people obtain in return for their immoral lives is a heap of curses against themselves, against their spouse and against their family. I encourage you to believe, comply and trust what the scripture in 2 Corinthians 5:17 tells us, "Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new." Believe it and forgive your blessed husband. The testimony you have shared about the changes the Holy Spirit has bought into your lives through His Agape Marital Anointing should not be marred by your present resentments. These feelings are hindrances that Satan is trying to bring back into your healed marriage. Pray, watch and resist the evil one steadfastly. (1 Pt. 5:9)
3. Concerning your dreams: I regret to hear that you are in a church which does not believe in demonic activity today. I assume that you have friends or you have reference to churches that believe in deliverance. Demons are real. They attack people, including Christians. For some, they oppress and for others they can invade and live inside them. The Bible is full of many instances of demonic invasions that Jesus and his disciples dealt with. Read Mark 1:23-25. You will find a man who attended the synagogue (church)with an unclean spirit. I wonder how many suffer with these same spirits right in the church today? Here's another, Mark 5:7-9. Jesus collided with a demonically possessed man. The legions of demons that came out of him invaded even the swine sending them violently in the sea to drown. How many people are emotionally drowned when they attend church Sunday after Sunday?
Now turn with me to Mark 9:25-29. Here the disciples were defeated. They could not chase the unclean spirit out of this man. This incidence should be compared to how our churches have lost the power and authority over Satan and his unclean spirits today. By the way, Jesus gave them instructions on how to cast out these demons - they needed to fast and pray before facing these spirits. Sister, Satan is real. He invades people from every walk of life through unclean spirits (demons). Another scenario which shows how Satan and his demons are real, and how they have power to steal, kill and destroy is found in Acts 19:13-16. Here we see a demon possessed man attack the sons of a Jewish chief priest called Sceva. The intention of the priest was to cast the demon out of the man but the demon-possessed man attacked them because they were without Jesus in their hearts. Read on further to see how they were rescued out of his hands naked and wounded.
There are many other instances found in the Bible where Christ and his disciples dealt with delivering people from demonic possession. A church which teaches that Satan and demons are not real, plants doubt in the mind of it's members about the very existence of Jesus Christ and His righteousness. Why? Because the Word tells us that, "The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep." Jn. 10:10-11 Also the scriptures tell me that, "He that committeth sin is of the devil; for the devil sinneth from the beginning. For this purpose the Son of God was manifested, that he might destroy the works of the devil." 1 Jn. 3:8 Take note that Christ was manifested because of Satanic invasion in people's lives which causes them to sin. Why was Jesus sent? To destroy the works of the enemy thus putting at liberty those who are chained and live in darkness. You and I have been saved and set free from bondages by His death on the Cross. Hallelujah!
So what should you do? You should speak to those who believe in the full gospel of Jesus Christ, its power and the Holy Spirit's omnipresent work to go to your husband's office and pray. Bind all the evil, unclean spirits and command the doll to take whatever attaching spirits it has in that office and leave. Through prayer, pour the blood of Jesus throughout the entire office. This is spiritual warfare. Do this after you have prayed and fasted. The enemy must be defeated. The fact that you are having attacks from this doll in your sleep shows that it was infested with satanic power. This was not just a sexual toy. Although you, yourself are not possessed by this evil spirit as in the case of the scriptures above in which we see Christ speaking to the spirit(s) that had made their home in men, what you shared shows that this unclean spirit is trying to oppress you by attacking you from the outside in your sleep at night. Oppression means that Satan is sending his spirits to appear in the form of that doll you destroyed to trouble, bring fear and cause confusion in your soul. It would be beneficial to have a pastor who has a deliverance ministry to come and pray for you, your husband, your children, and your home, especially your bedroom where the enemy is attacking you. Please do these things and the Lord will do his job. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. He defeated Satan on the cross, He will defeat him again.
You asked me to refer you to a church where you can be prayed for. I have never been to Michigan therefore I am unable to give you a reference. However, God is great and He is willing and able to direct you to the right place. I will continue to pray for this need. Feel free to call again if you need extra-prayer. Send greetings to your husband. It was a blessing to share and pray together with him. Amen!
May God bless you!
Your Servant in Christ,
Rev. Dr. Abella Ezra Kasheke, Th.D.
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